IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS

Sitting here in the park under the sky should feel magical or at least soothing but look at this person who's witnessing a beautiful scenic view of a multi coloured sky and still feeling hopeless. Yes, I'm talking about none other than my own self. I feel hollow and empty. And that's not it. The continuous feeling of frustration and disappointment is bouncing inside me like a hen that's always desperate to hatch or a butterfly getting out of it's cocoon. My inner self is shouting and abusing like anything but for what good reason? That is the point. There's no valid justification. I don't know why I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling. I'm someone who weeps every three or four days, but I haven't cried since 4 months. It's all piled up inside me. I want to weep, very very hard yet my best of the best tries to shed tears go in vain. 

Right now, in my head, I'm breaking all the cups and plates that my kitchen possesses and that too on repeat. And this is not it, I'm abusing and shouting to the core of my voice and I have reached a point where my throat has become totally soar. However, that doesn't stop me from doing whatever I'm doing. A big thank to my stars that I decided to take myself out for a walk with a little hope to calm myself else God knows what would I have done at home. Honestly confessing, I was about to pick up the knife and do something with it but I chose coming to the park. I hate my home, my room, my dressing, my kitchen, my washroom, my lobby and everything in between. It's all so messy and dirty. No matter how hard I try, it just doesn't stay clean. Am I asking for too much? I want things and places around me to be neat, clean and well organized. But that just doesn't happen. Why? Why? Why?

I'm pissed off.

PS : Thanks to the flowers and trees around me for being patient with me, for bearing my frustration and of course helping me neutralize the negative energies locked up inside me. Something is still stuck and it's choking me too but it's time to go back home because my body can no longer tolerate the mosquito bites.